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Maybe she was drunk? Drunk with power...

I'm not on Twitter nor do I follow anyone on their "short attention span blog" but occasionally I do check out Governor Palin's twitter page(*) whenever I need a laugh:

Great 3rd(& final) Governor's Picnic in hometown tonite;loved the focus: honoring military&Blue Star families;no politickin' just patriotism"

was posted first on Friday night July 24th, very late... and it's ummm, well partly it's a lie. The part about the Wasilla picnic (the first one in a series of three) being "3rd& final". Perhaps inaccurate would be a kinder word. Or maybe wishful thinking on her part and a ham-fisted attempt at "FUD" (Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt) purposefully spread by her to discourage attendance? She might even have been ripped on the sauce while "drunk tweeting"... again. Who knows? My guess is a combo of the last two.

Her hometown is Wasilla. It hosted the first of three picnics (they're held every summer, though this year just seems "extra special"). The second one is today in Anchorage at the traditional Park Strip location and I plan to be in attendence. The "3rd(&final)" one is to be held in Fairbanks tomorrow where Lt. Governor Sean Parnell (S.P. v. 2.0) will supposedly be sworn in as governor when she officially aborts her term a litte over half way through it.

Damn though... this woman has enough minions to keep her scheduling straight and keep her "on message" so why the misinformation or error? Ivy Fry busy asking people to "STOP BLOGGING! STOP BLOGGING NOW!"? Meg Stapleton busy fininshing off her updated resume? Kristan Cole busy shredding documents? VanFlein busy carting wheelbarrows full of ill gotten money to the bank (laughing all the way)?

Minutes later, perhaps after a sobering pot of coffee she self corrected:

Tomrrw host Anch Gov's Picnic; LtGov Parnell/I love these events- literally getting to serve you!Then Sunday Frbnks Picnic/Transition speech"

Frankly I'm praying the "momma bear" in her doesn't rise up, catch a glimpse of Russia and Putin "rearing his ugly head" and decide she's gonna fight and stay on as governor at the last minute. Hey -- it could happen with this crazy woman. I personally am not going to exhale until Parnell smiles weakly from his "empty suit" and acknowledges it's a done deal with a limp wave. He could score extra points in my book if he also danced around like Muhammed Ali in his prime and yelled "YEAH! YEAH! IN YOUR QUITTING FACE!", shaking his fists, circling, pointing at and taunting Palin after the swearing in ceremony. Not likely to happen but it would be wonderful. Maverick-y, even. An action like that could 1.) get him his balls back from locked safe where Palin has recently kept them and 2.) revive a flagging political career now ruined by the stink of being too closely associated with bat-shit crazy former "Governor Half-Measures". (I'm just sayin', Sean... once it's official, layeth downeth the smacketh! "Can you smell what the Sean is cooking?!?" Do it Sean. Doooo eeeeet! Man up! You know you wanna.)

But anyhow -- atta girl, Sarah. Her inaccurate late night tweet shows me she'll always be "just Sarah, being Sarah". Remember though -- as in carpentry, "measure twice, cut once". Or in her case, don't bother to measure at all and just keep cutting
(turkey necks , anyone?) -- something, anything -- as long as it gets media publicity for her to "progress" whatever the hell it is she thinks she's progressing. So here, in what I hope will be my last blog post EVER about her while she's still governor, allow me to offer a little friendly, albeit unsolicited advice for our soon to be ex-governor before she, by all rights, SHOULD begin her new Twitter account as a private citizen, and that advice is this: Before sending email, posting to a blog or "tweeting", please be kind (mostly to yourself but also to others) and re-read what you've typed before hitting SEND. Do it for the kids. Do it for Alaska. Do it for America!

Or better yet, just "STOP TWEETING! STOP TWEETING NOW!"... perhaps then she can restore some personal credibility and help relieve some of the embarrassment that all Alaskans have had to endure during the circus that is (for now) and will forever be her embarrassing administration.


* Additional humor in this blog post unwitting contributed by Sarah Palin


  1. VERY funny Laz! Thanks!

  2. God help me, I am beginning to understand Palinese! She called it the 3rd and "final picnic" in her home town because:
    1. She may have had 2 other picnics in Wasilla in the past.
    2. This IS the final picnic in Wasilla (with her as Governor).
    "Unscrambling Sarah's Brain", coming soon to a bookstore near you.

  3. By golly you may have something there, you betcha!


  4. Oh and thanks for the compliment. I don't write her stuff, I (and others) merely act as conduit to reporting the hilarity.